Those words
"Just be yourself" is something I have said to all my children many times throughout their life, because being themselves IS good enough, it IS great that they can be who they are.
I have always said that I would be very sad if my kids didn't feel they could simply 'be themselves' around me.
You see, my Mother never said those words, she never told me to just be myself. She told me to lie and be someone else, and that 'someone else' would change many times, until I simply didn't really know WHO I was.
Because for my Mother, being myself just was not an option.
Not even for my Grandmother either really.
Total opposites and yet, neither really wanted me to be myself, confusing uh?
My Mother, who had NO friends, would constantly worry 'what will people think' if I did not immediately transform myself into who she thought I should be that day. Yes, it was often a daily occurrence.
Tell people you're French, everyone knows French people are sexy.
Dye your hair blonde, no-one will wolf whistle you if you are not blonde.
Take off those glasses! Boys don't make passes at girls that wear glasses
On and on it went... a different day, a different person, with different heritage.
My Grandmother has many friends, lots of them, but she wanted me to be what she thought all her friends would approve of. She also said the words "What will people think?"
I turned 30 and my Grandmother was on my case immediately,
"You're 30 now, you have to cut your hair! what will people think if you leave it long?"
I had no clue as to why and when I asked was told it was the done thing, after 30 you're too old to have long hair. (My hair was and still is shoulder length)
I didn't cut it, and she would bring it up all the time over the years, telling me I'd have to DO SOMETHING because it was too long. Seriously, why so hung up on bloody hair!?
In different ways, my Mother and my Grandmother try to control every aspect of me. Thank God I don't live near them, I was able to sort of find myself but not for a long long time of living away.
I will never go back, I made myself a new life, my husband, children and I.
I got so exhausted trying to please them both and be what they both wanted, but neither of them ever wanted me to be myself, even though they don't even know the real me.
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